Etiquette

Good Manners, Politeness, Courtesy, Respect, Thoughtfulness

Relationships:

• Telling your partner where you are, who you are with, what time you are coming home – is not being controlled – it shows respect for each other.  This should relate to everyone that shares the same home of if you are visiting and staying in someone else home. 
• If your arrangements change, then make sure you ring or text home and advise them of the changed arrangements.
• Don’t ring a household after 10pm at night unless it is an emergency
• Don’t ring a household before 8am
• RSVP to invitations on time
• Remember to send a thank you letter/text or phone after you have been invited to an occasion
• People in love sometimes find it hard to hide their intimate feelings in public.  It is polite to keep passionate kissing, until you are somewhere private, it can make others uncomfortable.
• The same goes for arguing in public, not a good idea to hang out your dirty washing in public as the saying used to say.  Somethings need to be done at home. By doing this, you show respect not only to others, but to your partner as well.
• It is polite to show respect and interest when you are being introduced to someone.  Once upon a time, women remained seated, but today it’s a kind gesture to stand up and shake the hand of the person you are meeting, look them in the eye, and repeat their name.  this shows respect and makes the person feel welcome
• Be proud but remain humble. Never boast of birth, friends, money or any superior advantages you may have.  More often than not, bragging only makes you seem uppity and rude.
• A person appears most ridiculous if trying to make other ridiculous by satire or ridicule.  Making fun of someone, name-calling, mocking or bullying someone, doesn’t make that person look bad – it makes you look bad.
• Never be two faced.
• Never talk down to a anyone, and never assume a person can’t keep up with an intelligent conversation or offend them by talking as if they are inferior
• If you see someone you know in public, it is rude not to acknowledge them.  Even if you don’t wish to speak to them or are in a rush, a simple hello in passing or a a head not in their direction will suffice.  It is through as carelessness or wilful neglect to not recognize acquaintances.
• If you are driving across a one-way bridge and a vehicle is waiting for you, it is common decency to wave in acknowledgment and a thank you to them for being patient.
• It is bad manners to stare into houses, or someone, as it can come off as an invasion of privacy, rude or even creepy.  Remember to look in the way you are going.
• Don’t cancel plans unless it is absolutely necessary.  It is unacceptable to stand someone up – whether on purpose or simply your forgot.  The height of bad manners
• It is rude to be late for an appointment.  Never waste the time of others by making them wait for you.  This is considered rude and inconsiderate.
• Do not look at your watch or phone, whilst in the company of others.  It is sending the message, that you would rather be somewhere else, you are bored.  It is rude and disrespectful.  If you have a timeframe, it is a good idea at the beginning of your meeting to state that you have only half an hour etc.”
• It is respectful to show interest in the conversation of those who are talking.  Make an effort to engage that you are hearing and understand what they are saying.
• The privacy (private property) of others should be respected.  It is not acceptable to go around snooping.  People have the right to their privacy, and it should be respected.  This includes readying another person’s computer or written notes on paper left on a desk or table.
• Gossip and tale-bearing, backstabbing are always a personal confession of malice and imbecility, according to the Etiquette manual. It suggests that you have ill will towards someone and reflects that you are someone who shouldn’t be trusted.
• Don’t spend money to be flashy or showy, especially if you are spending beyond your means.  There is a reasonable limit to spending money, which everybody will respect you for observing.  Economy is nothing to be ashamed of “Houghton and co-wrote”
• There is a time and place for being funny.  If someone is trying to speak in a serious manner, don’t respond by making a joke. Never answer a serious remake with a flippant one
• If a bedroom door or any door is closed, it is polite to knock before entering.  This is respectful to one’s privacy
• It is still considered polite for a man to hold the door open for a woman to walk thru first.  Its very respectful and also for a younger person to hold open the door for someone more senior.  You may think these things go unnoticed, but they do not and are appreciated.   If you see someone with their hands full, you should do the same thing.  Teach your children this too please.
• Remember to use words “please” “thank you” & “excuse me” “pardon”
• It is bad manners to touch another person or their clothing, or to make comment to another person about what they are wearing.  People are allowed to have a circle of privacy around them that is not entitled to be invaded by another person, unless invited in, as in the situation of greeting with a hug, which must be mutually agreed.  It is shows disrespect to the person to touch them otherwise and shows you have no respect for yourself either.
• Always show respect for the religious opinions and beliefs of others.  Everyone is entitled to their own belonging and opinions; it is a free country.  You are allowed to differ.  We all need something higher than ourselves to believe in to get us through the difficult times.  It is important to show respect.  You don’t have to change yours and they don’t have to change theirs, but we can learn about each other and have a greater respect for each other.
• Never answer another by being rude or impatient. We know we take our bad moods out on those around us, but according to the etiquette, no matter how frustrated you are, you should always be aware of how you respond to others and avoid making them feel bad for now reason. 
• If you have received an invitation to call around to another person’s house, and they say call anytime, it is still polite to give a courtesy warning and check that it is a convenient time
• It is impolite to touch or handle any of the ornaments in the house you visit.  They are intended to be admired and it could be seen as a rude gesture, and you could accidentally break something too.
• It is polite to make a complimentary comment about a person’s house on your first visit.
• If a friend asks for assistance and you agree to help, you must always follow through.  That is what friends are for.  It would be rude to let them down.
• It is polite to always accept with expressions of gratitude any present offered to you in the spirit of kindness.  Even if it is not your taste, it’s the thought that counts.  Never should you question how someone was able to afford a gift they’ve given to you.  Never say to one who makes you a present, I fear you rob yourself, nor the gift is beyond their means.
• You owe it to yourself and to those whom you mingle with to be as well informed as possible.  There is not excise for ignorance.  One of the most important things in life is to be well-rounded, well-read, and well-informed.  You should be able to engage in interesting conversation without coming off as unknowledgeable.  It is your responsibility to not be ignorant or embarrassment of not knowing things we ought to know.
• Do unto others as you would have others to unto you – this is probably one of the oldest etiquette rules in the book. Every unfeeling and unkind act is rude and impolite
• Cover your mouth and turn away when you sneeze or cough.
• When you blow your nose, you should turn away, so you are not facing any one directly
•  How should you behave if you see a man you know on the street? Even if you’re close friends, don’t jump in his arms and greet him too loudly, especially if he is with someone. Just nod or greet him verbally and wait for him to react. When he greets you back, he should introduce you to his (girl)friend. The same rule applies to men with women
•  It is not only about being polite and respectful to those older than yourself, but you should also be polite to everyone regardless of their age or position.
• Men used to walk on the roadside of a female to protect them from wagon wheels splashing road mud on the female.

Table manners:

• Never put your purse on the table. It is ok to put a small, small purse on the table beside you, but better still if you put it behind your back on the chair.  Large purses and bags should be placed on the floor or hung on the back of a chair. Avoid putting your bag on your lap or on other chairs.
• Wait to be seated, and ask where would you like me to sit?
• Wait until everyone has their meal or some food in front of them before your start. Once upon a time, you would always wait for the host to start eating and then it was ok to continue.  This is also good, as the host may say “Grace”
• It is bad manners to put your elbows on the table or sit too far back or lounge in your sit. When elbows are off the able you are sitting up straighter.  Apparently, the taller you sit, the more people pay attention to you and place value into what you are saying!  There you go, when your parents would say sit up straight to you at the table – there was a reason.
• Children were once taught to eat with their mouth close. Good manners is so important
• When offered food, always take the piece that is closes to you.  Don’t look for the biggest piece.
• As host you held back and if necessary, ate slower, so that you may still have some food as your last mouthful after everyone has finished.
• Do not stretch or reach across the table or someone else’s food.  “Please pass me the chutney  etc”
• If you are self-serving around the table, check to see that everyone has some of the dish that you are taking the last of.
• Taste the food before adding salt and pepper
• As a host wait until everyone has finished before offering ‘’ seconds”
• It is important to thank the host for a delicious meal.  Not ask for the recipe unless offered. You wouldn’t ask for the recipe from a chef if you are at a restaurant.!!
• Don’t eat every last bite of your meal or drink your beverage to the last drop. It may make you too full, and the slurping of the straw or scraping of the plate is likely to disturb others and make a bad impression. We bet you wouldn’t want to be at the same table with someone who eats like that.
• Don’t clear away the dishes until everyone has finished and that includes if there are seconds.
• . When you are ready to order from your waiter and they are out of sight – it is polite to wait for them to return or ask for them.  Do not summon or order from anther waiter.  Waiters are normally assigned to tables, plus if you are in a country like the USA where they rely on “tips” as part of their wages, then you can just confuse the system and your waiter. Don’t expect good service from either of them.
• It is not a good idea to assist the waiter to unload their tray.  Be patient and let the expert do their job
• Don’t interrupt or ignore your waiter when they tell you about the specials of the day.  Listen
• Phones should not be taken or used at the dinner table, by either children or Adults.
• If you want to get a waiter’s attention just nod, smile, or raise your hand. In big restaurants waiters usually tell you their name when they greet you. Try to remember it and use it throughout the dinner. “Would you please” and “Excuse me, Miss/Mister” are acceptable to use too.
• No double dipping, instead put some sauce/dip on the side of your plate and then you can double dip as much as you like.
• It is OK to toast with non-alcohol such as juice or soda.  The tradition rooted in superstition dating back to the Ancient Greeks.
• Once women were always served first before men and men always paid for dinner. Today, its called going “dutch” or resturant bills are split. If splitting the bill it is nice to advise the waiter before you order.
• Waiters, traditionally served food from ones right and cleaned your plate from the left. In NZ, when you have finsihed you place your knife and fork together at the bottom of your plate. This tells your host or waiter you have finished. Other cultures are different.
• Waiters traditionally, would take the order of food, from the females first. Men would ask what the women of the table would like to drink and order that for them.
• Once women, always drank wine from the same spot on the glass – so as to not put lipstick all around the rim.

    Concert / parties

• Be early and ready for the start, as some theatres, concerts, etc close the door and don’t allow entry after it starts
• If you need to get to your seats but a part of the row is already taken, don’t pass with your back toward the people in the seats. The same rule applies to similar situations at conferences, movies, theatres, and all other places with theatre-style seating. Plus, if a couple is navigating this together, a man should go first, and a woman should follow.
• When at a cocktail party etc it is wise to hold your glass in the left hand and this way your right hand is free to greet with a handshake
•  Eat snacks that you don’t have to bite several times. And when drinking a glass of champagne, hold the glass near the rim, since only waiters hold it by the stem.
• Don’t pour your heart out about your personal issues on meeting someone for the first time, you may find that not all of them appreciate your openness. Politics, religion, finances, and personal life are not the best topics for small talk and could also result in a misunderstanding. It’s better to try to find something in common with people who aren’t close friends, for example, you can talk about the weather, movies, or sports.
• Don’t overdo the perfume. The rules of etiquette, state that that the scent circle ‘as defined as an area about an arm’s length from our body, and people should only be able to smell your perfume when they step inside this scent circle. 

Travelling

• In public transport (aircraft, train, bus) you should always be considerate of those around you.  This means keeping your shoes on, keep your music down, and maintain as much personal space as possible.  If you are a large person and your body takes up more space than your seat, at least ask the airline for a seat to be spare beside you.  It is your issue, don’t make it someone else’s.
• If you seated on a bus, and a pregnant woman, or mother and child or a senior citizen board, it is respectful to offer your seat to them, especially if you are a young fit person.  These show great consideration to your follow community citizen and respectful.  You will be well respected in your community.
• Don’t sneeze or cough without a handkerchief and wear a mask if you have any issues, so you don’t pass on to others.
• Don’t flick your long hair over the back of the seat.  This is so rude and inconsiderate
• If you seat goes back, when meals are being served, it is polite and good manners to return your seat upright.
• When exiting an aircraft, let those seated in front of you exit first.
• If you are getting a bag down from the overhead locker above someone else head, please ask to excuse me, whilst I get my bag down.  If you see a senior citizen or mother and child trying to get a bag out of the lock, offer to assist.
• Don’t drop rubbish for someone to pick up. This is disrespectful to that community to thrash it.
• In New Zealand we keep to the left of a footpath, in USA, Canada, Sweden, Italy they walk on the right and use the left to overtake slower walkers. Japan, India, are left, in UK London there is little pavement etiquette

Children

• Children should not put their hands all over windows either from the inside or outside (say window shopping)
• Children were once taught to only talk when they are spoken too.  But today, some can’t even do that, which is a shame. Being patient and waiting for your turn to talk, like in the classroom is showing you have manners.
• Parents responsibility to teach their children manners, etiquette and how to be good caring community citizens.  It starts by examples, so when they are little and receive a gift, take a video of them opening it or get them to hold it up and take a photo and send that as a thank you, is educational and shows appreciation, and respect to the person who gave the gift. 
• Children should be taught to say “Hi” to their neighbours.  Teach them how to introduce themselves from a young age.  We all should know our neighbours – believe me in an emergency, your neighbour may well be your first call for help.
• Children were once taught to call Adults by their surname as a sign of respect.  Mr/ Mrs/ Ms .  But life is getting more and more casual.
• If a door is closed, it is polite to knock before entering
• Teach children if they touch food, they should take it. Plus, one should learn to take the piece of food closes to them, not look for the biggest piece.
• No double dipping.  Put some sauce on the side of your plate and then you can dip it as much as you like.
• Children should learn to put a napkin on their lap and dab their mouths clean when finished. 
• Children should wash their hands before and after a meal
• Children should learn to ask if they can be excused from the table when everyone has finished their meals
• Children should learn when at someone else’s place for dinner, to help clear the table and assist with doing the dishes.  Its just being polite, as someone has cooked a meal for you.
• Its not necessary or polite to shout or talk loudly inside.  Teach children to have an inside voice, this will help them in school etc